Emotions of Lupus

Fighting My Way Back

Fighting My Way Back

When you live with Lupus, medical emergencies can become a way of life. Surviving them takes the effort of hospitals, doctors, and the right medicines; but fighting your way back from them once you’re “out-of-the-woods” is all you. Fighting my way back today …. **



One word to describe my Lupus body today:  Heart

Which habits and rituals did I practice to soothe my Lupus body?

  • Breathed fresh air
  • Protected delicate skin
  • Stayed hydrated
  • Ate a clean diet

More details about my physical symptoms:
I saw my internist today for my first official “hospital follow up.” The concerned look on her face kind of took me aback, as she explained the seriousness of my episode of a-fib. She had the nurse run another EKG after she listened to my heart and breathing through the stethoscope and heard “a few extra beats,” as she put it. The EKG didn’t pick up a-fib, thankfully. I explained my lingering exhaustion, continued palpitations, and difficulty sleeping when lying down flat. She called my cardiologist to request an appointment sooner than the December 29th appointment that they scheduled for me. I thought that was a little too far out from my hospital release date of November 23rd, but apparently, she has more clout than I do…. Thank goodness!



One word to describe my Lupus mind today: Emotional

Which habits and rituals did I practice to strengthen my Lupus mind?

  • Connected with my doctor
  • Managed expectations
  • Managed stress response

More details and thoughts about how I’m feeling emotionally today:
“You’ve been through so much.” That’s the phrase I hear over and over again—from friends, family, and today, my doctor. I agree. Yes, it’s true. But, hearing those words leaves me somewhat emotional because I spend most of my days focused on living now—not thinking too much about the future, and definitely not remembering all the painful, scary episodes in the hospital fighting for my life. So, when I hear that phrase, it’s like playing a flashback reel of my life over the last few years. I don’t like “my life flashing before my eyes” for any reason. Ha! Anyway, I’ve spent most of the day trying not to think about it, but I’m finding it hard to hold back the tears tonight. Sometimes, it’s all just too much to bear. Crying is good, right?



One word to describe my spirit today: Peace

Which habits and rituals did I practice to nurture my Lupus spirit?

  • Meditated, prayed, visualized
  • Embraced uncertainty
  • Enjoyed sacred space

Thoughts about my spiritual connection and spiritual lessons learned today:
This unsettled spirit of mine is getting a bit desperate for peace at this point. Lupus keeps me in a battle as it tries to take over with these surprise attacks. Surviving the immediate life-threatening part of the episode is only Act I. Act II is full of adjusting, healing, reflecting, and recovering. My spirit must be strong enough to fight and get through it, and my strength comes from a personal peaceful place. Peace, so elusive sometimes, where are you today?



Today my meals were:

  • Breakfast: Paleo banana muffin, Gala apple
  • Lunch: BLT on gluten-free bread (Nitrite-free bacon)
  • Dinner: Homemade chicken soup, gluten-free corn bread
  • Snacks: Gluten-free pretzels
  • Water: 48 ounces



At least one thing that I’m grateful for today:

  • A doctor who will fight for me

**(This post is based on the format of the Lupus Diary that I developed for keeping track of how Lupus affects my body, mind, and spirit, I check-in here once a week to let you know about the more interesting days of my Lupus journey. To learn more about the Lupus Diary, how I developed it, and why I use it, click here.)

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