Symptoms & Reactions

Pain and Panic


Last week this time, I was basking in the glow of getting fitted for a new wig. What a difference a week makes, as the downturn in the weather has had a cascading effect on my body, mind, and spirit. Unfortunately, pain and panic quickly ensued, like the fear of being lost in the snowy woods. This is my Lupus Diary entry for Wednesday, February 3, 2016….**



One word to describe my Lupus body today:  Pain

Which habits and rituals did I practice to soothe my Lupus body?

  • Ate a clean diet
  • Breathed fresh air
  • Stayed hydrated
  • Protected delicate skin

More details about my physical symptoms:
This exceptionally cold and snowy winter, as beautiful as it is, has my joints swollen, hot, and in horrible pain today. I had my three-month follow up with my rheumatologist today, and she said she’s seen an increase in pain levels of all her patients due to the cold. My shoulders, elbows, knees, hips, and lower back are just throbbing with pain and inflammation. I’m living in that vicious pain cycle where I’m exhausted and need sleep, but I’m in too much pain to sleep well. I need some warm sunshine on this weary body, and soon. I hope you’re right about that early Spring, Mr. Groundhog….



One word to describe my Lupus mind today: Panic

Which habits and rituals did I practice to strengthen my Lupus mind?

  • Asked for and accepted help
  • Focused on the positive

More details and thoughts about how I’m feeling emotionally today:
The pain level is so high that not only have I been experiencing brain fog, but I’ve also had my first panic attack in some time. That overwhelming feeling of dread and fear and light-headed alarm washed over me just before dinner. I felt like I was lost and couldn’t find my way back to my calm self. I don’t usually tell Hubby about theses episodes, but this time, I asked for his help in calming me down. He held my hand, I put my head on his shoulder as we sat on the sofa, and he rode out with me the awful wave of fear. No Klonopin needed….



One word to describe my spirit today: Calmed

Which habits and rituals did I practice to nurture my Lupus spirit?

  • Enjoyed sacred space
  • Meditated, prayed, visualized
  • Loved myself

Thoughts about my spiritual connection and spiritual lessons learned today:
Because I don’t as a rule take pain medicine, and now that acupuncture and massage are not an option for now, I find that meditation is my go-to treatment for pain management. Yes, it still helps me connect to spirit, but it also calms the nerves involved in my joint and spine pain. It took a while to get to that calm, meditative state, especially after my panic attack, but it was sweet once I got there…. Taking this special time out of the day for myself is reaping more and more benefits, even with today’s pain and panic.



Today my meals were:

  • Breakfast: Gluten-free oatmeal with raisins, clementine orange
  • Lunch: Leftover homemade chicken soup, Paleo pancakes
  • Dinner: Baked Italian chicken thighs, Calrose rice, green beans
  • Snacks: Mint tea with almond milk
  • Water: 55 ounces



At least one thing that I’m grateful for today:

  • Hubby


**(This post is based on the format of the Lupus Diary that I developed for keeping track of how Lupus affects my body, mind, and spirit, I check-in here once a week to let you know about the more interesting days of my Lupus journey. To learn more about the Lupus Diary, how I developed it, and why I use it, click here.)

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