Dear Diary,
The question of the day is, “Should I stay or should I go?” The stress is building because I can’t decide whether I should try to make this trip to visit Hubby’s parents this weekend. His Mom and Dad will be hosting other family in California. It’s about a six-hour drive from our home. Just the thought of the trip exhausts me—from the pain of sitting in the car to the sleeping in an unfamiliar bed to the inflammation caused by eating “convenience” foods. I always suffer the full spectrum of consequences when I try to meet this particular “wife responsibility.”
The more I think about going, the more I feel the panic. How can I let my husband down when he’s so willing to support me and suffer the consequences of this illness on our marriage? But, how can I go, when I know how much it will cost my body in the currency of pain and extreme fatigue?
The stay-at-home option appeals to my fears, but the solitude and isolation knowing my husband is without me will just remind me of how sick I am. It’s just one more way that my world continues to get smaller and smaller.
Either way, I’ll be in pain. At least if I go, I won’t miss out on being with family.
So, the answer to the “Should I stay or should I go?” question is “Go!”
Okay, let’s get this show on the road….
Well, we arrived late tonight. I tried to ease the burden of the car trip by lying down in the back seat. Not easy when you’re wearing a seatbelt. With cervical pillow, neck bone pillow, and twin-sized blanket, I tried to relax and possibly sleep. Thankfully, I did have moments of rest, but a seatbelt buckle digging into my rib didn’t help. I found it easier on me than sitting up front, though.
Once we arrived, the hotel was a welcome sight.
Love,
Olivia
