Dear Diary,
Happy birthday, Mom! She’s 73 years old today, and thank God, she’s never been really sick. The only time she’s been in the hospital (besides visiting me or my sister when we were patients for one reason or another) was when she delivered me and my brother and sister. I’m so glad she has no idea of what it means to have to spend lonely nights in the hospital. I’m so grateful that she doesn’t know the experience of chronic pain. The type of pain that I have all day, every day. And today, I’m lying here reminded of how bad it can get.
Today was a big day as far activities go. It was one of my bi-weekly grocery shopping trips. Grocery shopping is one of the most difficult activities for me. Lots of walking, bending, lifting, and thinking. And, when there are lots of people in the store, it can quickly become a scary and frustrating experience. People become impatient with my slow movements. To avoid all that, I grocery shop at 7:00 am or when the store first opens. It’s so much more bearable this way.
Today’s trip, while successful in avoiding crazy people, still was problematic, though. The reason is the amount of pain it caused. I could barely move from the joint and nerve pain in my hips, groin, back, legs, and feet. This isn’t the first time it’s happened for sure. But with each episode like this, I’m shocked because my activities are already so limited.
I manage each trip to the doctor, acupuncturist, physical therapist with minimal movement planned. I also limit the frequency of having to go to these appointments. No matter how much I limit myself, though, I find myself feeling the way I do today—with excruciating pain.
Oh well, I have no choice but to ride this latest wave of pain. Surf’s up…..
Love,
Olivia
