Symptoms & Reactions

Adhesive capulitis, also known as frozen shoulder syndrome, is something I had never heard of or come across in my research about Lupus. But, as I describe in my entry for today, it’s actually something that Lupus patients suffer with. Who knew? Not me, until now…. **

Body

One word to describe my Lupus body today:  Restricted

Which habits and rituals did I practice to soothe my Lupus body?

• Moved and Stretched
• Breathed Fresh Air
• Stayed Hydrated
• Smiled and Laughed

More details about my physical symptoms:
Today is the first day after learning that my awful shoulder pain is being caused by adhesive capulitis, also known as frozen shoulder syndrome. It’s a chronic inflammatory condition in the shoulder joint that causes debilitating stiffness and pain. It’s often seen in people with diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, and Lupus (of course). I spent the day with my arm in the sling that the doctor provided, and I started the physical therapy that he ordered as well. I already work with a physical therapist on my hips and back, so she just added this order to my chart today. She manipulated it a bit and had me do a few exercises. Unbelievable pain! Oh well, one more restriction–the cane for my back and hips and now a sling for my shoulder. I’m a curious wonder to some people to who naturally ask, “Were you in an accident?”

Mind

One word to describe my Lupus mind today: Uplifted

Which habits and rituals did I practice to strengthen my Lupus mind?

• Focused on the Positive
• Managed Time and Energy
• Managed Stress Response

More details and thoughts about how I’m feeling emotionally today:
Thankfully, my friend Patti and I had breakfast on our calendars this morning. We met bright and early when most people are just getting out of bed. We’ve only known each other for a few years, yet we find each other’s company both therapeutic and comforting. Perhaps it’s because we’ve both live through lots of trauma in our lives. Or, maybe it’s just because we laugh a lot when we’re together. Either way, the timing was perfect as I showed up with my latest story about my life with Lupus.

Spirit

One word to describe my spirit today: Yearning

Which habits and rituals did I practice to nurture my Lupus spirit?

• Meditated, Prayed, Visualized
• Loved Myself

Thoughts about my spiritual connection and spiritual lessons learned today:
At the end of this day, I’m feeling spiritually depleted and yearning for more of a connection. I’m not sure why, but I suppose the shoulder pain and having to wear a sling has something to do with it. I can’t get comfortable enough to deeply meditate or enjoy my sacred space. And, that’s a first for me. I guess it’s just another thing to have to get used to. In the meantime, I’ll just think about how I can love myself a little more now that I have yet another Lupus issue to deal with.

Meals

Today my meals were:

• Breakfast: Fresh scrambled eggs, hash browns, cup of Earl Gray tea
• Lunch: Leftover sesame ginger chicken (homemade), rice
• Dinner: Chicken fajitas (with corn tortillas) at a Mexican restaurant
• Snacks: Gala apple

Thanks

At least one thing that I’m grateful for today:

• Friendship with Patti

**(This post is based on the format of the Lupus Diary that I developed for keeping track of how Lupus affects my body, mind, and spirit, I check-in here once a week to let you know about the more interesting days of my Lupus journey. To learn more about the Lupus Diary, how I developed it, and why I use it, click here.)

Days like today remind me that my pain can always get worse. Just when I think I’ve dealt with the worst of it, Lupus inflammation sets off a chain reaction of pain to my skin, my joints, and internally. As my level of Lupus pain continues to increase over time, I find it amazing just how much a body can take….  **

Body

One word to describe my Lupus body today:  Inflamed

Which habits and rituals did I practice to soothe my Lupus body?

• Ate a clean diet
• Stayed hydrated

More details about my physical symptoms:
The hives and the pain continues today like they have all week. I haven’t been able to calm my body down since returning from the trip. I feel like I’m on fire. The hives are hot. My joints are hot. The pain in my back and hips have worsened, and I now have excruciating pain in my shoulder like never before. It’s been a long while since I’ve felt this bad with so many symptoms all at once. What the heck? Could last week’s road trip have caused all this?

Mind

One word to describe my Lupus mind today: Depressed

Which habits and rituals did I practice to strengthen my Lupus mind?

• Protected alone time
• Managed expectations

More details and thoughts about how I’m feeling emotionally today:
All this pain is sending me into a state of depression during the day and anxiety at night. My ying and yang of emotional distress. I’m working on being patient as I use my alone time to rest and remind myself that I have habits and rituals to help me get back on track to my “norm.”

Spirit

One word to describe my spirit today: Blessed

Which habits and rituals did I practice to nurture my Lupus spirit?

• Meditated, prayed, visualized
• Enjoyed sacred space

Thoughts about my spiritual connection and spiritual lessons learned today:
I’m quieting myself often to empty my mind, allowing it to receive spiritual guidance during this painful time. With what little energy I had today, I went into my sacred space, lit a candle, and just sat there, focusing on all my blessings.

Meals

Today my meals were:

• Breakfast: Paleo banana muffin, Gala apple
• Lunch: Leftover homemade pork carnitas, fresh corn on the cob
• Dinner: Oven-baked rock fish (fresh), red potatoes, peas
• Snacks: None

Thanks

At least one thing that I’m grateful for today:

• Sacred space
• Ability to pray

**(This post is based on the format of the Lupus Diary that I developed for keeping track of how Lupus affects my body, mind, and spirit, I check-in here once a week to let you know about the more interesting days of my Lupus journey. To learn more about the Lupus Diary, how I developed it, and why I use it, click here.)

Today was both a revelation and a reminder. I had no idea how much my body was compensating for my inability to take a deep breath without pleuritic chest pain. It’s amazing how your body will adjust to avoid pain and how you forget the benefits conscious, deep breathing…. **

Body

One word to describe my Lupus body today:  Better

Which habits and rituals did I practice to soothe my Lupus body?

• Breathed Fresh Air
• Protected Delicate Skin
• Moved and Stretched

More details about my physical symptoms:
Well, today started off one way and ended up very differently. I woke up with knotted muscles and stiff and tense joints. And, that strange nerve pain in my belly seemed to be taking over everything. But after my psychotherapy session, I began to breathe deeply from my diaphragm. The more I relaxed, the more effective I was in my “Move and Stretch” habit. Sometimes, I forget how integral breathing is to everything I do, and especially in how I manage pain.

Mind

One word to describe my Lupus mind today: Hopeful

Which habits and rituals did I practice to strengthen my Lupus mind?

• Connected with My Doctor
• Focused on the Positive

More details and thoughts about how I’m feeling emotionally today:
I’ve been feeling especially anxious lately, after meeting with the neurologist last week. I explained this to my psychotherapist and she pointed out something that I wasn’t even aware of—my shallow breathing and how I would take a deep breath, then talk until I ran out of breath, then take another deep breath, repeating the pattern again and again. She said that many times, anxiety is your body’s way of telling you it’s not getting enough oxygen, so it turns out that this time, my anxiety problem is a breathing problem. But the question remains for me: Is the anxiety causing the shallow breathing, or is the shallow breathing causing the anxiety? Either way, I suppose I just need to be aware of my breathing a bit more.

Spirit

One word to describe my spirit today: Quiet

Which habits and rituals did I practice to nurture my Lupus spirit?

• Meditated, prayed, visualized

Thoughts about my spiritual connection and spiritual lessons learned today:
Wow, today after my session with my psychotherapist, I decided to meditation to listen to my body’s breath and to breathe through the pain. Dr. O suggested a simple mantra for today: As I inhale, I say the word, “heal” and as I exhale, I say the word, “soothe.” Breathe in…heal. Breathe out…soothe. Heal. soothe. I was able to quiet myself for the first time in a long while. Thank you, God.

Meals

Today my meals were:

• Breakfast: Paleo banana muffin, apple
• Lunch: Tuna salad lettuce wrap and corn chips (oops!)
• Dinner: Grilled chicken wings, fries, and salad
• Snacks: None

Thanks

At least one thing that I’m grateful for today:

• My psychotherapist

More

I’ve fought for a long time not to use my steroidal inhaler, which I’m supposed to use to combat the inflammation in my lungs. In my breathing practice today, I realized how much I need to use it. My sensitive lungs and painful pleural sac are contributing to my shallow breathing. I discovered my body was compensating to deal with the pain of deep breathing. With the steroid, the inflammation will decrease and that, hopefully, will decrease the pain. Why I’m so hard-headed about following the doctor’s orders, I’ll never know….

———————————–

**(This post is based on the format of the Lupus Diary that I developed for keeping track of how Lupus affects my body, mind, and spirit, I check-in here once a week to let you know about the more interesting days of my Lupus journey. To learn more about the Lupus Diary, how I developed it, and why I use it, click here.)

As this month comes to a close, it’s hard to believe that I’m still dealing with these autoimmune hives. They’re affecting every part of my being–my body, my personality, my mindset. Although I’m following all the doctors’ advice, I’m not getting any relief. So, here I am at the end of another summer day feeling inflamed, grumpy, and weary….  **

Body

One word to describe my Lupus body today:  Inflamed

Which habits and rituals did I practice to soothe my Lupus body?

• Ate a Clean Diet
• Breathed Fresh Air
• Protected Delicate Skin

More details about my physical symptoms:
I woke up this morning with more red, hot, itchy hives despite increasing my Zyrtec. Hives and more hives. I’m still not sure why they’re starting up so much again. It’s been this way for over a month now, and I’m beginning to wonder if they’ll ever go away. I was fortunate to see my allergist today for yet another opinion about what’s happening. He believes that I’m having a flare up of autoimmune hives caused by the Lupus. To be sure, my allergist is sending me for a blood test for IGE antibodies. In the meantime, I have to take up to four Zyrtec per day (two in the morning and two at night). I could go back on the Singulair to see if it helps or not. If things get worse, I have to shock my system with a course of steroids—yuck!

Mind

One word to describe my Lupus mind today: Grumpy

Which habits and rituals did I practice to strengthen my Lupus mind?

• Asked for and accepted help
• Protected alone time
• Connected with my doctor

More details and thoughts about how I’m feeling emotionally today:
I found myself being very short and impatient with Hubby today—from the moment I woke up. Ugh! Lack of sleep and these hives are taking atold. I hate being mean to him. All day I felt like I was in a fog and live was moving in slow motion. I couldn’t focus much and it was a struggle just to articulate myself. Where did my words go?

Spirit

One word to describe my spirit today: Weary

Which habits and rituals did I practice to nurture my Lupus spirit?

• Enjoyed sacred space
• Meditated, prayed, visualized

Thoughts about my spiritual connection and spiritual lessons learned today:
Learning to nurture my spirit comes hard fought on days like these why my body and mind are so out of sorts. But, I’m forcing myself to work on these habits and the best ones for today were going to my sacred space and meditating. I couldn’t do it for very long, but I did it

Meals

Today my meals were:

• Breakfast: Fried egg, Paleo banana muffin, apple
• Lunch: Chicken wing with broccoli-gluten-free pasta salad
• Dinner: Artisan pizza with fresh mozzarella, basil, EVOO, and pepperoni
• Snacks: None

Thanks

At least one thing that I’m grateful for today:

• PIZZA
• My allergist
• My Hubby

**(This post is based on the format of the Lupus Diary that I developed for keeping track of how Lupus affects my body, mind, and spirit, I check-in here once a week to let you know about the more interesting days of my Lupus journey. To learn more about the Lupus Diary, how I developed it, and why I use it, click here.)

Finally, I’m happy to report that the wait is over. At least for the results of biopsy of my autoimmune hives to rule out urticarial vasculitis, a scary complication of Lupus. Still don’t know about the blood test yet. If the tests were positive, I would have to begin serious doses of steroids and immunosuppresants to keep the inflamed blood vessels from reaching my vital organs. Scary!  **

Body

One word to describe my Lupus body today:  Relief

Which habits and rituals did I practice to soothe my Lupus body?

• Slept well
• Ate a clean diet
• Breathed fresh air
• Stayed hydrated
• Protected delicate skin

More details about my physical symptoms:
The dermatologist removed my biopsy stitches today (read about the back story here), and it was such a relief to finally get them out. I also received the results of the biopsy. Hubby came along to comfort me in case the news was bad. I’m happy to say that I DO NOT have vasculitis. Thank God! But we’re in the proverbial good news-bad news scenario. They ruled out the scary diagnosis of vasculitis—the good news. They have no idea why I have such an intense case of autoimmune hives again—the bad news. The dermatopathology report from UCSF reads: negative direct immunofluorescence (meaning no vasculitis—yay); and perivascular dermatitis with edema and telangiectaisa and dermatisis consistent with urticaria (meaning I have hives with bruising).

Mind

One word to describe my Lupus mind today: Woot!

Which habits and rituals did I practice to strengthen my Lupus mind?

• Connected with my doctor
• Focused on the positive

More details and thoughts about how I’m feeling emotionally today:
After receiving the good news last week that my original positive tests for Lyme disease were “false positive,” I’m feeling even more relief about not having vasculitis. I was so afraid of that diagnosis, even more than having Lyme disease for some reason. They’re both very bad disease, but I know that the Lyme disease can be cured; the vasculitis cannot. It’s so good to have something positive to focus on in this Lupus life. Whew! I’ll take it!

Spirit

One word to describe my spirit today: Renewed

Which habits and rituals did I practice to nurture my Lupus spirit?

• Enjoyed sacred space
• Meditated, prayed, visualized

Thoughts about my spiritual connection and spiritual lessons learned today:

These past two weeks of waiting for blood test and biopsy results and having to deal with the physical itchiness and pain have been very difficult on my Lupus spirit. I’m proud, though, that I didn’t give up trying to maintain my spiritual connection to find a bit of peace and hope. I have to remember even during the difficult times, especially during the difficult times, that it is a source of renewal for me.

Meals

Today my meals were:

• Breakfast: Apple, banana Paleo muffin
• Lunch: Chicken, broccoli, pasta salad
• Dinner: Grilled chicken legs, sweet potatoes, green beans
• Snacks: Apple

Thanks

At least one thing that I’m grateful for today:

• Negative test for urticarial vasculitis

**(This post is based on the format of the Lupus Diary that I developed for keeping track of how Lupus affects my body, mind, and spirit, I check-in here once a week to let you know about the more interesting days of my Lupus journey. To learn more about the Lupus Diary, how I developed it, and why I use it, click here.)

I’m taken by surprise again with my health. For some unknown reason (as usual), I began to experience autoimmune hives again. This time, it’s with a vengeance! **

Body

One word to describe my Lupus body today:  Hives

Which habits and rituals did I practice to soothe my Lupus body?

• Ate a clean diet
• Stayed hydrated
• Breathed fresh air

More details about my physical symptoms:
Out of the blue, I began having very itchy humongous hives. On my hands, arms, legs, belly, thighs. I haven’t had a break out of this magnitude in years. The first ever episode of these types of hives happened after I gave birth to my son. It took years, and lots of doctors, medications, and research to get them under control. I found out only recently that they’re considered autoimmune hives, which are often chronic and hard to control. And now they’re back. These itchy, painful, bruising hives are all over me, and nothing helps. Why?!

Mind

One word to describe my Lupus mind today: Angry

Which habits and rituals did I practice to strengthen my Lupus mind?

• Asked for and accepted help
• Learned about Lupus

More details and thoughts about how I’m feeling emotionally today:
I can’t believe this is happening. It feels like I’ve taken ten steps backward. The itching is causing a high level of nervousness and anxiety. So, now I have pain, fatigue, peripheral neuropathy, AND hives. I’m angry. I know it doesn’t help my situation, but I just need to say it.

Spirit

One word to describe my spirit today: Shattered

Which habits and rituals did I practice to nurture my Lupus spirit?

• Enjoyed sacred space

Thoughts about my spiritual connection and spiritual lessons learned today:
My spirit is suffering with these hives today. It’s very difficult to find a spiritual connection with all this itching and increased medication. That still small voice inside me tell me not to give up hope, but I’m having trouble. I’ve been thrown off my game—again. Oh well, I’m trusting that thing will calm down again with my skin sooner rather than later. I want my spiritual mojo back!

Meals

Today my meals were:

• Breakfast: Apple and Paleo banana muffin
• Lunch: Plain turkey sandwich on gluten-free bread
• Dinner: Gluten-free pasta with ground turkey meat sauce
• Snacks: Kind bar with almonds and coconut

Thanks

At least one thing that I’m grateful for today:

• A comfortable home

**(This post is based on the format of the Lupus Diary that I developed for keeping track of how Lupus affects my body, mind, and spirit, I check-in here once a week to let you know about the more interesting days of my Lupus journey. To learn more about the Lupus Diary, how I developed it, and why I use it, click here.)

Summer used to be one of my favorite seasons. I loved the sunny days and warm nights. Lupus has managed to change that!  It’s not even officially summer yet, and I’m finding myself adversely affected by not only the sun, but the heat itself. **

Body

One word to describe my Lupus body today:  Hot

Which habits and rituals did I practice to soothe my Lupus body?

• Stayed hydrated
• Ate a clean diet

More details about my physical symptoms:
I’m hot today, and I’ve been hot all week, except for Wednesday when the high only reached a rainy 77 degrees. For some reason, I haven’t been able to enjoy the summer’s heat like I used to. Not sure if it’s the Lupus, or the medications for the Lupus that’s causing the problem. Or, maybe it’s something else altogether.

I searched Google to find out if any other Lupus patients have trouble with heat intolerance. I was so surprised to see how may of us do. I knew about the problems of too much sunshine and the need to protect our skin. But the heat itself? No I didn’t know, and now that I do, I have to add it to the ever-growing list of things to deal with. Sigh.

Mind

One word to describe my Lupus mind today: Disappointed

Which habits and rituals did I practice to strengthen my Lupus mind?

• Learned About Lupus
• Managed Expectations
• Managed Time and Energy

More details and thoughts about how I’m feeling emotionally today:
I love summer, usually. The fact that I’m having trouble tolerating the heat is a huge disappointment. This is my second summer in the home we bought here in Reno, and we made all the landscaping and other outdoor modifications to protect me from the sun when I spend time out in the backyard. Now, I can’t enjoy it as much because it’s so darn hot. Hopefully, the temperature will go down a bit so that I can get back to my soothing habit of getting fresh air and enjoying my garden.

Spirit

One word to describe my spirit today: Visualize

Which habits and rituals did I practice to nurture my Lupus spirit?

• Meditated, prayed, visualized
• Embraced uncertainty

Thoughts about my spiritual connection and spiritual lessons learned today:
I worked hard today to embrace the latest uncertainties surrounding my new heat intolerance and the moving of my fabulous doctor (I found out on Wednesday that the doctor who discovered that I had Lupus is moving away). I’m visualizing finding solutions to both issues.

Meals

Today my meals were:

• Breakfast: Gluten-free toast, scrambled eggs, free-range pork sausage
• Lunch: Turkey burger on gluten-free bun
• Dinner: Baked salmon, dill rice, spinach
• Snacks: Gala apple slices, almond butter

Thanks

At least one thing that I’m grateful for today:

• The convenience of being able to research issues with Lupus

**(This post is based on the format of the Lupus Diary that I developed for keeping track of how Lupus affects my body, mind, and spirit, I check-in here once a week to let you know about the more interesting days of my Lupus journey. To learn more about the Lupus Diary, how I developed it, and why I use it, click here.)

It’s not too often that I get excited about anything, but when Hubby suggested going to the farmer’s markets today, my heart jumped for joy! A chance to do something fun that’s good for me–or so I thought. **

Body

One word to describe my Lupus body today:  Hungry

Which habits and rituals did I practice to soothe my Lupus body?

• Breathed fresh air
• Stayed hydrated
• Protected Delicate Skin
• Moved and Stretched
• Ate a Clean Diet

More details about my physical symptoms:
Despite the overwhelming heat outside today, I was bound and determined to go to a couple of farmer’s markets that just opened for the season. I was so hungry for farm fresh food! Along with feeling the heat, I was feeling a lot of pain in my hips and back, and the peripheral neuropathy in my legs. I endured it all for the most beautiful, perfectly imperfect tomatoes—and they tasted AMAZING! I couldn’t wait to get home to make a nice salad. It’s so much easier to eat clean in the summertime….

Mind

One word to describe my Lupus mind today: Concerned

Which habits and rituals did I practice to strengthen my Lupus mind?

• Managed stress response
• Managed time and energy

More details and thoughts about how I’m feeling emotionally today:
It began on the ride home. I started thinking about how I ate a few tomato samples from the farm stands. I wondered if that was such a good idea, considering that I don’t know if the tomatoes or the hands of the cutter were washed thoroughly. All I need is another infection because of my suppressed immune system. I was so pre-occupied and carried away with being at the farmer’s markets that I didn’t think about my Lupus body. How can that be when all I feel most days is painful reminders of it? I wish I could be as carefree as the rest of the world, not having to worry about how everything fits in with my Lupus life. So with the concern that presented itself on the way home, I had to make a choice: either enjoy the rest of my day hopeful of the best outcome, or worry about what I did and how it might possibly affect me. I chose to enjoy my day—defiantly.

Spirit

One word to describe my spirit today: Giving

Which habits and rituals did I practice to nurture my Lupus spirit?

• Made someone happy
• Embraced uncertainty

Thoughts about my spiritual connection and spiritual lessons learned today:
It was so nice to see how happy Hubby was today. I realize more and more how his happiness is connected to mine. Often, he feels so helpless in dealing with the effects of Lupus—the pain, the unpredictability, etc. By taking me to the farmer’s markets today he actually had a role in making me feel better, albeit only for a little bit while I was still in pain. He gave me a happy day, and by accepting his generosity, I was able to give him happiness, too.

Meals

Today my meals were:

• Breakfast: Gluten-free banana pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs
• Lunch: Turkey sandwich on gluten-free bread with a few corn chips
• Dinner: Grilled burger with hash brown potatoes
• Snacks: Gala apple slices with almond butter

Thanks

At least one thing that I’m grateful for today:

• Spending time with Hubby
• Going to the farmer’s markets

**(This post is based on the format of the Lupus Diary that I developed for keeping track of how Lupus affects my body, mind, and spirit, I check-in here once a week to let you know about the more interesting days of my Lupus journey. To learn more about the Lupus Diary, how I developed it, and why I use it, click here.)

Dear Diary,

My friend reacted to my shaky hands due to the essential tremor.

Yesterday, I had the good fortune to spend time with a dear friend whom I hadn’t seen in several months. She’s one of the few friends I have here in Reno, but we rarely have a chance to get together though because she’s the busy home-schooling mother of four children, and I’m the empty-nester battling Lupus.

But on this evening, she had two tickets to a string quartet concert at the University of Nevada at Reno. Although I wasn’t having the best day, I felt okay enough to accept her last minute invitation. I just couldn’t pass on the opportunity to attend a live classical music performance—something I miss terribly from my old life in Washington, DC.

Before making it to the venue, we decided to get a bite to eat at a healthy restaurant near my home, where they receive grass-fed meat daily and use it to make the best buffalo, beef, lamb, and turkey burgers in town.

As we were catching up and eating and watching our watches to make sure we didn’t lose track of time, she noticed my hands shaking. It really alarmed her because she just wasn’t expecting to see yet another manifestation of my illness.

She yelled, “Oh my goodness, why is your hand shaking like that?”

I told her that my new neurologist suspects that it’s something called an Essential Tremor, which the Mayo Clinic defines as “a nervous system disorder (neurological disorder) that causes a rhythmic shaking.” Apparently, it can run in families and can be caused by various autoimmune diseases, like Multiple Sclerosis. They didn’t mention Lupus specifically, but other websites do.

The Mayo Clinic goes on to say that it “can affect almost any part of your body, but the trembling occurs most often in your hands—especially when you try to do simple tasks, such as drinking from a glass, tying shoelaces, writing, or shaving.”

With me, I notice it when I lift a sandwich or a fork to eat, when I lift my glass to drink, and when I write or practice with watercolors or calligraphy. It’s much worse when I’m hungry, tired, or particularly stressed.

When my friend noticed it during dinner yesterday, I wasn’t even aware that it was happening. I guess I’m used to it by now. It’s kind of embarrassing, but I have too many other health-related issues to be concerned with. A little embarrassing tremor is not my worst problem.

My neurologist is still in the process of ruling out any other conditions that may be the cause of the Essential Tremor, such as a brain tumor or other changes in the brain. She’s ordered blood work and an MRI of my brain. The blood work is done, but I’m still waiting on getting an appointment for the brain MRI.

Thankfully, after dinner, we made it to the concert venue on time. The lovely sounds of the violins, viola, and cello soothed my soul. My hands settled down, too.

Love,

Olivia

Dear Diary,

I’m in pain today, and I’m trying so hard to keep up with everything. I received my book in the mail—the one that Dr. M, the Lyme doctor recommended, “The Beginner’s Guide to Lyme Disease” by Nicola McFadzean. Dr. M wants me to be as informed as possible about this controversial disease. I had no idea how much conflicting and confusing information there is out there. Sifting thought it all is so exhausting. And this book is thick. I can feel myself slipping into overload mode.

Thankfully, today was a better day than Saturday and Sunday, as far as breathing goes. Whew! My breaths are less labored, and my pain is bearable again. I’m back to my norm—not a good norm but it’s mine, and I know it well.

My back and neck, on the other hand, were still very painful. I saw my physical therapist today, and I told her all about the chiropractor guy. She said my back muscles were twisted and still very tight. He didn’t do me any favors, she said. That’s her kind way of saying that he screwed me over. Ugh! Thankfully, my physical therapy session today was all about incorporating gentle massage and a heat treatment to loosen things up and hopefully to alleviate some of my pain and restricted movement.

With that, I went home and actually allowed my body to sleep. Not intentionally mind you. I’d planned to work on my taxes after writing a little bit. But, before I knew it, as I sat in front of my laptop, my eyes were closed, and my head leaned back on my sofa. An hour later, I woke up surprisingly refreshed. It felt good to accept my body’s limitations and need for rest, instead of fighting it like an obstinate child.

Love,

Olivia

Dear Diary,

The word for today is INFLAMMATION. This is a continuation of the aftermath of the infamous chiropractic treatment earlier in the week. The shock to my system continues to migrate from my spine and nerves to my chest, ribs, and lungs. (It’s probably all connected, but I don’t know.)

That feeling of tightness in my throat and chest got progressively worse into the night. And so did my breathing. The only thing my “go-to” rescue inhaler did was make my heart race. I tried my best to sleep, propping my pillows to keep from lying flat in bed—much too painful for that.

But after drifting off to sleep for about two hours, I woke up in a panic. Unable to breathe, sweaty, with a racing heart. Should I go to the ER? Or ride it out? I decided to ride it out, recalling how similar this was to the last few ER visits.

So, no sleep for me, only more puffs of medicine, more heart racing, and body-shaking anxiety.

I’m writing this as the sun rises. I’m taking solace in the beauty and calm of the snowfall outside our bedroom window.

I’ll get through this. I always do….

Love,

Olivia

Dear Diary,

It’s flu season, and I got hit bad this year because of my compromised immune system. I just filled my second prescription for antibiotics to clear up a lingering upper respiratory infection resulting from my bout with the flu nearly a month ago.

In handing me the prescription, my pulmonologist advised me to limit my contact with people. She explained that having Lupus keeps my immune system somewhat compromised, having to balance first, the over activity, which makes it attack good cells with second, the Lupus medicine, which slows down the immune response, making it less responsive to the bad cells. It’s a very delicate balancing act.

With the flu and other various illnesses going around, my immune system has to work that much harder. So, I haven’t been out very much—not even to church—in several weeks. It’s a good thing too because lately all I’m seeing on Facebook from members of our church is how someone or another is getting over strep throat, bronchitis, the flu, or even pneumonia. Good grief! I certainly don’t need to be exposed to all that, for sure.

So, for the moment, I’m inside. I paint, and I write. I eat, and I sleep.

In a few days, though, I will be getting out to for my much-anticipated appointment to see the first Lyme disease specialist. He’s in California, about a two-hour drive from Reno. He’s well-known for his treatment of long-term, undiagnosed Lyme disease and the complications it can cause.

Love,

Olivia